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11. March 2011 11:22
by Jobo
3 Comments

Peace

11. March 2011 11:22 by Jobo | 3 Comments

image It is with great sadness that I write today to tell you that my Grampy Everett has passed away.

In the last month I have spent many evenings and weekends up with family visiting since he was admitted to the hospital, trying to help in my own way.  The hospital is my turf; Medications are my business.  Sadly even though everyone did their best to care for him, in almost exactly a month from his admission, he was gone.

Cancer really sucks.  I knew that Grampy was getting up there in age, but we are never ready for our loved ones to leave us, no matter the circumstances.  It took what seemed like forever to diagnose the problem - Liver Cancer.  Likely, the cancer did not begin there, nor was it the only area poisoned and destroyed by it.  You could see it stealing his strength and his time a little more each day.  After being admitted to hospital, then moved to the Palliative Care Unit, time was not on his side.  He slipped peacefully away last Sunday afternoon, around 2 pm, at the age of 83, surrounded by his family.  His wife - my 80 year old Gramma - stayed by his side until the very end.  She was his comfort, and his best friend all the days of their marriage.  There's an inspiration for you.

Now that the wake and funeral have passed... I finally feel like I might be able to talk about it more freely.  The whole thing has floored me in a way I hadn't anticipated.  Realistically, my life is changed and I will be sad about his loss... but my feelings and loss are nothing compared to that felt by my Mom and Gramma.  Gramma is so very deeply lost.  I understand that every last thing in her life is different and shrouded by this loss.  My parents have been doing as much as possible to help my Grandparents stay in their own home.  My mom visits her folks every day.  Every. Day.  I am truly sorry for their pain, and cannot even begin to imagine how profound it is compared to my own.  All I can do for them is to be around, listen when they need to vent, and remember to be kind and gentle with them when they are upset.  Time is the only healer here, and that acceptance and understanding doesn't have a timeline.  It arrives when it wants to, and not a minute earlier.

Grammy asked that I play violin at the funeral - a tune for Grampy.  I leave you with a recording of the piece I played for him.  This recording was in the morning beforehand, not the actual performance.  I needed to hear it from another perspective to be sure it was alright, so I recorded it as I practiced.  Even after playing for nearly 20 years, I still sometimes have a difficult time "hearing" objectively.   Disclaimer:  in the mood I was in that day, this version of Ashokan Farewell is a lonely and plaintive piece.  One lonely violin, one lonely violinnist.

Ashokan Farewell.m4a (603.96 kb)

(This file was created with my iPhone... hopefully other people can play it... it does play with iTunes)

Comments (3) -

Your love of your Grampy, Gramma, Mom and the rest of your family is unequivocal.  May you find strength in one another during this difficult time.  Your tribute to your Grampy touched my heart.  I'm sure he was smiling down upon you while you were playing.  You were a brave soul for playing and most certainly, you touched many that day, not the least, your Grampy and Gramma.

Kim

I'm so sorry for your loss.  One of my cousins played the same fiddle tune at my grandpa's funeral in 2000.  It's beautiful and so poignant.

Cancer really suck us! it is the worst ever!
I can relate to your emotion Jobo, I could still remember same things happen to me, when my grandmother died on cancer, it's been a great trauma for us that we could not to anything to save her.But life is what is it, goodbye is always in our way.

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